I’m less than 4 weeks out from Edinburgh and I’m currently sitting here having a bit of a mini breakdown.
I knew that training for a marathon — and doing so while working, keeping on top of my strength goals, raising kids, volunteering etc — would be hard. I knew it would take up lots and lots of time. But right now? I’m basically spent.
The funny thing is, it’s not even the marathon training getting me down. If anything, that’s the one thing in my life that is currently distracting me from the chaos of everything else. It’s non-negotiable. I’m not quite doing all of the runs I’m supposed to be, but I’m getting out there and running to plan at least twice a week. I might even be learning to actively enjoy running, if that’s possible.
It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that my training is clashing with the biggest growth of my business in the nearly 7 years I’ve been working for myself (and currently, the Easter school holidays too) as well as ongoing projects and deadlines. Because I can’t just put a stopper in my business temporarily, I’m having to ride out the chaos and some things have had to give. At the minute, that’s weight lifting. It seems unjust that I’ve had to almost completely stop the sport I love, to further engage in a sport I don’t love, for the sake of neither.
Most frustratingly of all, it’s lifting that gives me the breathing room I need to excel at my every day stuff, and because I have been struggling to find the time to fit it in, I feel like all of my endeavours are failing. It’s a little on the dramatic side, but I’m very good at catastrophising.
I’m no stranger to the myths of ‘having it all’. I wrote several years ago about the concept of having it all as a working woman over on my personal blog (spoilers: it’s a load of bollocks) and while my challenges have changed (I don’t have to nurse — literally or metaphorically — snotty children through Skype calls these days) and my goals are more gym and less cleaning inspired (you get used to the mess eventually) they are none-the-less always calling, nagging at the back of my mind.
I don’t think there’s an answer. Life is always going to throw a spanner in the works, and as spanners go “having too much work on” is as as good a problem as one can have. But what I wouldn’t do for life to back off, for work and deadlines to melt away, and for a few uninterrupted hours in the gym right now…
Lead photo by Hans-Peter Gauster